Secondly, I want to write today about the events of this week. On Monday, I went to see an Endocrinologist myself for a second opinion in regards to my fertility issues. The doctor was wonderful but she said that there is just too much going against me to get pregnant naturally ever again. The endometriosis is one thing but add on the retro-flexed uterus, flip-flopped ovaries and you got yourself a mess in there :) She said our best option if I want to carry a child is IVF.
Needless to say I left the office feeling discouraged.Its hard not being able to have a child and feeling like it is your fault because I have all these things wrong with me. Numerous people have shared advice. Some people have been against IVF and others think...go for it. Either way I haven't felt settled on what God wants us to do. So Tuesday I began praying the Lord to make it clear to me...
Wednesday I had the wonderful opportunity to start BSF with my cousin Molly again. This is something I enjoy and truly crave each week...It was a blessing in the midst of my storm. Women meeting together and worshiping our savior and even more of a humbling day being on the anniversary of 9/11. I was also able to enjoy the evening with two wonderful ladies (Christina and Angie) who always can make me laugh and encourage me to seek the Lord's guidance.
Thursday, I would say was one of the worst days of my life as a mom. Addy was scheduled to have a second opinion in regards to her endocrine issue. I went into the appointment just thinking it was early puberty as the last doctor said. Little did I know minutes into the appointment the doctor would say that her levels are so high, we need to check for a tumor...Tears just streamed down my face as my sweet girl would have to have an ultrasound and be checked for a tumor.
Before we were sent to the radiologist the doctor asked me out of the blue if I had issues conceiving and had endometriosis. I had told her I was having lots of fertility issues and she stopped me and said she had the same exact issue. (mind you at this point I have not met anyone in person going through/gone through the same issue)She had one child and couldn't conceive a second and she boldly said she and her husband did IVF. She encouraged me and gave me hope. Again, another blessing God using this doctor to encourage me in the midst of Addy's appointment. The doctor went onto say that the IVF she had done was at the same clinic I am being seen at. Coincidence; I think not...It was God, it was God answering my prayers of needing to hear someone else going through the same issue and being encouraged by it.
We proceeded to radiology, they did the ultrasound. Watching my sweet girl sit there so patiently and yet it the midst I could see her start to tear up. She turned to me and says "I'm so glad you are here mom, but I need my daddy to protect me to." I of course just lost it again... Those precious words from that sweet mouth. A little blessing in the midst. The test was over and they said they would call us in 24 hours with results...WAIT!!!!!! Yuck, I hate waiting but I am starting to get better at it....
Ben got home from work and we just wanted to get our mind off things so we ran some errands and took Addy to La Casita for dinner. Everything was wonderful and fine until we left. We got Addy a mint on the way out and started to walk out to the car. She tripped on the curb and when she tripped the mint got lodged in her throat and she couldn't breathe.
In the next moment which felt like years...I remembered my brother, Scott taught me the Heimlich maneuver. I immediately grabbed Addy and did it once...nothing happened. I did it one more time and it came flying out. In those few short minutes I was so scared I was going to lose my little girl and yet God gave me this amazing calmness to help her.
As I write you now, my sweet girl is resting in bed. We heard from the doctor today and she does NOT have a tumor and just has some adrenal gland issues we will probably have to monitor the rest of her life but I will take that!
So, yes this was a lot to write but I just wanted to share how good God is. In the midst of all our storms this summer. God has always been there. He has never left. Even when something was extremely bad; God showed up and made it a blessing. Its amazing to me how he uses others to bless us.
We are extremely thankful for all the prayers for Addy the past couple days. The prayers in and of itself are a HUGE blessing.
The last thing I want to share is this song that is probably my favorite...My mom also got me a devotional to go with this song by Laura Story.
Blessings
Lyrics:
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel you near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if each promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win, we know
That pain reminds this hearts,
That this is not, this is not our home.....
It's not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
What if my greatest disappointments,
Or the aching of this life,
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy.
What if trials of this life,
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel you near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if each promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win, we know
That pain reminds this hearts,
That this is not, this is not our home.....
It's not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
What if my greatest disappointments,
Or the aching of this life,
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy.
What if trials of this life,
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?
