While I Wait

So for those of you who know me, know I am not good at waiting or being patient for that matter. As my husband has said to me, "the only time I have seen your patience in full force was when Addy had colic." So let's just say it is a weakness of mine...

As I have been going to BSF, we have been studying Genesis. It has been a real eye opener about waiting on the Lord and following in full obedience to him. I have realized that I am very fearful of the unknown. My trust in God has not been where it should be. Abraham and Sarah had such faith in God that he would always fulfill his promises to them as long as they walked in obedience to him. Now Abraham and Sarah were far from perfect but the were true examples of what it is like to walk in obedience with the Lord and He fulfilled the promise he gave them after MANY years of faithfully following him.

I don't yet have a full grip on what its like to walk in true obedience to Christ because I haven't given up my fears of the future to him. But I do know that I serve a God who is so much bigger than my future and what is going on. I think because we have struggled to get pregnant and then now with my upcoming surgery, it has just shaken my faith a little bit. This year has been difficult in many different areas of our life, not just directly affecting me but others in my family too. It has made me lose hope. But really what it is, is me not having enough faith that God is always going to take care of me and that I need to walk in obedience towards him...not away from him. My husband (a wise, wise man) always reminds me of how God always provides for us and always has our best interest at heart. Ben has such strong faith and I am thankful for that example.

I have been reminded by reading God's word just how faithful he truly is. I so often am selfish and look at how things aren't going the way "I" want. But I have to rememeber he is bringing me through this for a reason and its time to start acting and living like I trust him. After all, he is God...He is I AM. The song by Mercy Me "I AM" is such a great testimony of who God is and what he can do if you just trust him.

I've been the one to shake with fear
And wonder if You're even here
I've been the one to doubt Your love
I've told myself You're not enough

I've been the one to try and say
I'll overcome by my own strength
I've been the one to fall apart
And to start to question who You are

You're the one who conquers giants
You're the one who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe
You're the one who walks through fire
You take the orphan's hand
You are the one Messiah
You are I am
You are I am

I've been the one held down in chains
Beneath the weight of all my shame
I've been the one to believe
That where I am You cannot reach

You're the one who conquers giants
You're the one who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe
You're the one who walks through fire
You take the orphan's hand
You are the one Messiah
You are I am
You are I am

The veil is torn
And now I live with the Spirit inside
The same one, the very same one
who brought the Son back to life

Hallelujah, He lives in me
Hallelujah, He lives in me
Hallelujah, He lives in me
Hallelujah, He lives in me

I know it isn't easy and I know I have to get up each day and make the decision to get on my knees before I even stand up for the day. I have to be done be selfish, done having a pity party and just rest in the knowledge that my KING knows exactly what he is doing and he knows the plan for me. The Bible is flooded with verses about waiting, patience and how HE always is there. While I wait for Him may my heart worship him, be hopeful and walk in obedience to him. After all I do have a little girl watching me every day and I want her to be able to see a mom that lives for Jesus.

Psalm 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Isaiah 40:31 But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Psalm 130:5-6 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.